Family. Colleagues. Friends. We think we can depend on them, trust them, and, perhaps, even rely on them to always be there. But here is the truth: not everyone you know will be in your life forever — and you won’t stay in theirs too, due to different reasons. That’s why it’s so important you learn to accept your ‘aloneness’ or ‘solitude.’ Because loneliness and the ability to stay alone and be comfortable with that are very different feelings.
How to develop this basic survival skill? Let’s find out.
Call it a state or a feeling, loneliness is actually your mammal brain (the ‘emotional’ brain) signaling danger. And that’s pretty logical because mammals (and a human, meaning YOU, is a mammal) can’t survive without being a part of a group.
For instance, if you’re going through adult ADHD treatment , you might not feel understood or accepted in the company of people who haven’t gone through the same experience. Your brain interprets this disconnection as isolation, which, obviously, is a threat to your survival.
In short, when you feel lonely, it’s actually your brain telling you that you lost the connection with the group and need to restore it for safety.
The first one is negative, painful, and keeps you from growing, while the second one is positive, peaceful, and helps you get to a better place. Loneliness is when you desperately need to spend the evening with someone, and can’t even stand the idea of being alone with your own thoughts.
Meanwhile, ‘aloneness’ is when you’re perfectly comfortable whether you spend the evening with your friends or stay at home and watch a movie once they cancel the plans.
Do you know the first thing they teach at therapy sessions? It’s that you’re responsible for yourself. As highlighted in the liven reviews, you’re not responsible for what others think or feel towards you, and you definitely can’t control their behavior. What you can control, however, are your feelings, thoughts, and responses to the external world, people included.
Here are a few therapeutic exercises that can help:
A solo date is a way to show yourself some love and spend some quality time with the main person in your life — you. Especially if you’re working in healthcare or any other industry that requires you to prioritize the needs of others over your own.
The trick is simple: if you don’t like doing something (in your case, it’s being alone), just try to make it fun. You can’t change the thing, but you can change your attitude towards it, right?
Choose an activity you like. Take yourself to a movie, buy yourself a fancy dessert, or go read a book in the park. The key is to do something you really enjoy — and do it ALONE.
Turn your solo date into a habit. Ideally, a solo date would happen every week. But if you’re super busy, you can try to commit to at least one time per month. Or even better: organize a solo date at home! Light some candles, cook your favorite dinner, play your favorite playlist, and you’re all set up.
Oh, and don’t forget to leave your phone in another room — no social media, chats, or calls. You wouldn’t talk to others during a real date, right? 😉
Devote those hours to things that can improve your life. Take an online course. Read books on psychology or personal development. Watch TED Talks that inspire you.
Feeling overwhelmed with all those options? 😵💫 Then here is what to focus your self-education research on:
You come alone to this world and you leave it alone: that’s an axiom of life. All that’s left is to be thankful for the people you meet and to truly learn to enjoy your own company on the road. Because when you’re comfortable with yourself, you’re never truly lonely.
You’ve got it! 🌿💛🍃
